TL;DR: I have experience, I know people, I am a likable person with good art, but I can’t find a job. I only have a few months left before I’m broke. This is terrifying.
So,
I have been having a lot of trouble figuring out how to make money as an artist. A few years ago it was working out wonderfully. I had freelance work, did commissions, had a few Patrons, and sold artwork at conventions. The last year or two there had been a lot of change, not only in the world but in my own head.
The past few years while I do my freelance work, I’ve been doing free artwork for experience to build my resume, to then apply to every art job I potentially want. Every year it was the same: make free art, build resume and experience, update portfolios, apply to jobs, get rejected or ghosted, try again.
But, you know, after three years of this repetition and no reward, there has to be something new for me to try, right? Maybe I’ve been doing it all wrong. I just can’t….. figure out…. What there is to do. The work world is changing and the ability to get eyes on your work is so different compared to how it was when I was in college, which was only a few years ago!
The other thing is who you know. I know so many people. I have made friends with so many artists. I talk to animators who work for Disney, Cartoon Network, indie companies, comic companies, editors, publishers, video producers, YouTubers, streamers, etc. What did they get me? What did they help me with? Nothing.
In terms of experience, I have done so much! My resume is solid of all kinds of art-related experience including animation, background art, character design, comic book illustration, children’s book illustration, art directing, voice acting, storyboarding, teaching, editing, graphic design, etc. What did that get me? NOTHING.
I am pushing my limit. I can’t figure out if it’s me, or the system. I can’t figure out what to do. If I didn’t have any artistic goals or aspirations life would be so much easier because then I could work a normal job that pays well. I wouldn’t have anything else to worry about. But I love having goals and aspirations, I just hate that the world doesn’t care. It makes it harder for me to get there. I want someone to hold my hand but I doubt even that would help because at this point it might really just be luck. I have no idea.
Nobody is reading this. That’s the other thing: I don’t have much of a following. I keep looking at my followers and believing I actually do have fans, but it’s nothing more than the regular handful of good friends. Of course I appreciate that, but it gets me wondering if popularity equals success and money. I am truly a likable person and if any phony hiring would meet me, I’m sure they’d want to work with me and I really believe that! But it seems I was never given the proper opportunity based on … I don’t know, wealth? Right-place-right-time?
Okay fine, I will move onto a regular job until things get okay. I live in the city with a ton of companies and jobs, it shouldn’t be hard. I called over 25 places yesterday in my area and none are hiring. Great.
I am only five months away from running out of my savings to pay for rent. My boyfriend told me last night that our apartment costs $20,000 a year to live here. You mean to tell me if I was living at home I would have more than $20,000 by now?! I am so sickened and hopeless. I am so close to a breakdown every day but somehow my being holds back. Just leaving little cracks here and there until I eventually break open and fall apart.
Anyway, that’s it.
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